Everyone loves a good academic scholarship. All that hard work in high school finally pays off and translates to actual money! Unfortunately, academic scholarships can only go so far. Six or seven grand might cover your room and board but still will leave you in dire need of funds for tuition and books! Sure, it helps, but wouldn’t it be nice if there was another solution?
How does a full-ride scholarship sound? For years, LeTourneau has offered academic Presidential Scholarship winners the chance to participate in the rigorous Heritage Scholarship competition. In previous years, the competition has attracted the brightest and best, challenging every student in creativity, leadership, and critical thinking skills. Essays, hypothetical situations, and speeches have all been ways the students were tested.
Due to the recent and fervent student interest in the Hunger Games trilogy, administration has announced a new title and a special theme for this year’s scholarship competition: The Heritage Games.
…You read it correctly. This year’s competition is scheduled to be less “academic,” and more “reminiscent” of a gladiator-style death match.
Obviously, this brings up a few questions.
- “How many winners are there?”
- “Is this even legal?”
- “…Will it be televised?”
Though YellowJacket sources have informed us that there is a still a good amount of planning before the Games will be ready, I have been assured that the project is coming along quite nicely. The precise number of winners has not been decided yet, but head game-maker and engineering professor Dr. Roger Gonzalez informs me that, “the number will probably be subject to change, depending on in-game circumstances.” Probable locations for the game arena include the MSC complex (including the berm, which would be boxed in by steel bars) and also the Belcher center. “We are considering the possibility of segregating genders in this competition, so there might be two arenas,” Gonzalez said. “Killing someone is a very intimate act…at LeTourneau, we would like to keep the guy-girl contact to a minimum, so separate arenas might be the way to go.”
When questioned about the legality of the concept, Corey Ross reminded me, “the students will be signing liability forms, and it’s not like they have to participate in the competition. LeTourneau has always been a discerning university, so we want to attract and reward only the most excellent, determined students.” Police Chief Terry Turner concurred: “I’ve talked to a lot of my law-enforcement friends, and most of them have agreed that the Games will be completely legal, as long as we are sure to keep a secure perimeter and not allow any outsiders to accidentally enter the playing field.” He laughed, “We could be in some serious liability trouble if that happened.”
The games will not be publicly televised this year, but a compilation video showing highlights from the event will be on the LeTourneau start page the day after the competition. A smaller scholarship fund will be set up for the younger siblings of students who don’t succeed in the games. “I figure that’s one way we can make the loss easier on the families, you know?” Dr. Gonzales said. “I could see a parent saying, ‘Sure, my oldest daughter didn’t make it, but look at the blessing it was for my youngest! Now she’ll be able to pay for school without worrying about the future!’” Even so, he declined commenting as to whether the prospective student could be as hopeful about surviving EPM her sophomore year.
As an added incentive for winning the games, victors will not only be awarded a full-scholarship covering room and board, but will also be given signed copies of Suzanne Collins’ Hunger Games trilogy. Of course, the recurring GPA of the victor will determine whether or not the Heritage Game Scholarship covers them for their whole ride. “Just because you fight your way to the top literally does not mean you shouldn’t have to fight to the top academically,” Chaplain Carl comments. “The students who earn their scholarships through academics fought the same relative battles that the Heritage Games kids will.”
Dr. Lunsford wished to remind upcoming competitors that each and every one of them has a shot at victory: “Admittedly, your chances of winning aren’t the best. You have to remember, however, that the chances aren’t real great for anyone. Just try your hardest, and it’s very possible that you’ll be one of the lucky winners. I’m excited for each and every one of you. God bless, and may the odds be ever in your favor.”
Just kidding! Happy April Fool’s Day from the YellowJacket staff!
Written by Nathan Brazil.