You read the title right. Snooki, or Jersey Shore star Nicole Elizabeth “Snooki” Polizzi, will be gracing us with a three-part chapel series scheduled for the second week of next semester. The series is already scheduled to be titled “Momma Snooki: I Thought I Knew ‘Reality’ Until I got Pregnant.” Chaplain Carl, the driving force behind all great chapel speakers and lecture topics, was first to comment on the ordeal: “I think it’s great. We just love getting chapel off to the right start. We were really looking for someone who is able to both say all the right things to our students, yet also able to connect with them on a more meaningful, personal level. Someone they can truly relate with. And who better for the job than a reality show star?”
The YellowJacket was lucky enough to catch Snooki during one of the small blocks of time in her life when she was not drinking, drunk, or recovering from being drunk for comments on her upcoming tour. “LeTourneau was one of the first schools to actually, like, pick me. It’s like just because the baby is still in my belly does not mean I like, don’t know anything about kids or not treating them wrongly or nothing. Plus all my friends act like whiney babies, like, I should know better than anyone.”
Nicole’s now national tour supporting her lectures, ”Snooki Momma: Putting the ‘Reality’ in the Realities of Real Life,” will be showcasing several new products Snooki has “put a lot of thought and effort into.” Among the best of these are some fine winners: Snooki’s Spray on Tans — “Who Needs a Beach When You Have Spray on Cancer?” Snooki Bobbleheads — “Who Wouldn’t Want One?” Snooki’s Removable Pregnant Bellies — “So You Can Have My Attitude and My Looks!” And not least by any means, Snooki’s ‘Baby Fund’ — “There’s Nothing in the Box, But My Baby Will Never Have to Go to College Because of This!”
Just kidding! Happy April Fool’s Day from the YellowJacket staff!