The YellowJacket » Just for Fun

LeTourneau Comic: Hootenanny, Continued

Carly Robinson — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 19:28:26 +0000

Created by Caleb Bennetts.

Admissions Considers Drastic Plan to Even Guy-Girl Ratio

Carly Robinson — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 03:40:23 +0000

1-1 ratio? What is this madness?

The guy to girl ratio at LeTourneau: some of us complain about it, some of us like it. The numbers seem to change constantly... is it 2 to 1, 3 to 1, or 42 to 1? According to the LeTourneau website, the official ratio is 2.5 to 1. Quite a few students see this difference as a problem, but what can be done about it? One solution could be to automatically give a sizable scholarship to any female student coming to LeTourneau. One solution under discussion is an exchange program with the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York, New York. The Fashion Institute of Technology has 4 girls for every 1 guy and is reportedly more than happy to exchange design majors (fashion with engineering, that is) during their freshman year. While these ideas may improve the guy to girl ratio, it seems that the Admissions Department has a more drastic plan in mind. A recent university publications announcement stated that they will admit only female students for the 2013 Fall Semester! Although this policy will decrease the number of incoming freshman, it will dramatically improve the guy to girl ratio for the school. This news reportedly caused rejoicing through many of the guys’ dorms on campus, while the girls’ dorms took the decision in stride. One young lady, Jeil Ocy, has this to say: “I think the guy to girl ratio here is fine! As the say, the odds are good but the goods are odd.” On the other hand, freshman Iam Nervis said that he was excited about the decision. “I think that an all-girl freshman class is a great idea!” We will all have to wait and see just how this decision will affect LeTourneau.

Just kidding! Happy April Fools Day from the YellowJacket staff!

Written by Devin Graves.

PSY to Join Fall 2013 Handong Exchange Students

Carly Robinson — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 01:00:13 +0000

Korean superstar PSY announced today on Twitter that he will be coming to LeTourneau University next fall as one of the exchange students from Handong Global University, LeTourneau’s sister school. “i’m looking forward 2 dancin it up at letu next fall. i here they have some great parties” he tweeted.

A spokesperson for LeTourneau University promptly released the following statement: “While we are looking forward to PSY joining us on campus next fall, we want to clarify his comments. We feel it is safe to assume that by “dance,” he actually meant “stance,” and by “great parties,” he actually meant “great study parties.” At press time, PSY had not responded to the comments by the university.

PSY is rumored to be majoring in electrical engineering so that he can work with Dr. Kim and Dr. Kim. He is expected to live in the I-House.

Will PSY lead the next Musical Praise and Worship Chapel?

Just kidding! Happy April Fools Day from the YellowJacket staff!

Written by Ian Willard.

LeTourneau Comic: The Whole Shebang

Carly Robinson — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 00:00:52 +0000

Created by Caleb Bennetts.

School-Wide Epidemic of Non-Sports Related Injuries

Carly Robinson — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 23:00:32 +0000

A recent message from University Health Services indicates that the number of non-sports related injuries among students has risen in the past year. The staff involved in determining this increase have expressed surprise and concern over the issue, as they have not been able to conclusively find a common underlying cause for this epidemic. Even more strangely, the injuries seem to follow pronounced trends, with certain problems plaguing specific groups of students. Aviation majors report a large number of neck cramps from straining to watch and identify any airplane flying overhead, while liberal arts majors claim to be experiencing painful bouts of writer’s block and light-induced headaches from reading in poor light conditions.

Academic injuries have risen in direct correlation with IT service requests.

This is not all. Other groups are reporting even more serious problems: numerous mathematics majors seem to have an increased number of accidental hand wounds from pencil use, for example. Engineering majors are showing a rise in bruises and concussions due either to walking into light poles while distracted by watching the student center’s construction on the way to class or to increased banging of heads on desks and walls over difficult homework. Chemistry majors seem to be afflicted with serious chemical burns due to a higher number of laboratory accidents recently, while biology majors are suffering from various strains of new bacteria and viruses found in this year’s specimens. Quite a few physics majors are also reporting having been struck with heavy falling objects or large pendulums, in addition to scattered mental breakdowns after calculators and computers crashing during involved LON-CAPA problems.

Surprisingly, biblical studies majors seem to be largely free of any injuries, making the issue even more perplexing for administration. Student Life is at a loss to explain this increase, especially when it appears to be reflecting a corresponding decrease in sports-related injuries. One can only speculate as to why students of Dr. Mason, Dr. Roudkovski, and others appear to be protected from harm, since the no one has any idea what the underlying cause of the epidemic is. Unitl the mystery is solved, Health Services has pledged its help to spread awareness about the issue and to educate various disciplines in daily safety – and devotionals.

Just kidding! Happy April Fools Day from the YellowJacket staff!

Written by T.C. Buscher.

New Dress Code Announced

Carly Robinson — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 22:00:41 +0000

The YellowJacket has just been informed that Student Life employees will soon assist faculty in beginning to rigorously enforce the dress code. “Corey acted very serious about it, and isn’t going to tolerate any holy-jeans nonsense,” said our source, an anonymous student worker. The new rules will probably come into effect within a week, beginning with a chapel announcement and advertised with new signage around campus.

Rather than allowing the casual wear that LeTourneau students enjoy during colder seasons and the cooler clothes kids prefer in summer, administration decided that slacks and a button-up shirt, cleaned and pressed, are the best choice for male students. Female students are allowed dresses, skirts, blouses, and appropriate footwear. Shorts for both genders can be considered on especially hot days but are generally discouraged. A designated clothing officer will inspect clothing for modesty before chapel, though students should expect to be monitored in various areas on campus.

While the announcements have emphasized that administration has borne what is best for the students in mind, the idea of a dress code seems at the very least, annoying. “Why should faculty dictate what a student chooses to wear?” said one freshman, who was sent back to the dorm after wearing pajama pants to an 8:00 a.m. class. A petition has already been brought to student senate requesting that a “cape clause” be added to the code in accommodation of a popular LeTourneau accessory. Rumors have begun circulating that other rules inspired by more conservative colleges than our own are being considered, including an 11:00 curfew, gender-segregated sidewalks and elevators, a ban on use of electronic devices while walking, and other draconian rules. Only time will tell how many of these measures will be placed in effect.

Just kidding! Happy April Fools Day from the YellowJacket staff!

Written by Ben McDonnel.

A New Hope for MSC: Lucas Reveals Next Film Location

Carly Robinson — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 21:46:29 +0000

George Lucas, ex-director and producer of the phenomenal Star Wars saga, is among the executive board of Disney coming to LeTourneau to finalize their contract in buying the university today. The 69 year old ex-director expressed his interest in previewing LeTourneau as a film location when he insisted to stay in MSC while the board continued visiting the rest of the campus. A YellowJacket reporter was able to conduct a brief interview with Lucas before admiring students swarmed the building and he had to be escorted out by Imperial Guard – dressed bodyguards.

The YellowJacket: Good afternoon sir! It is a great honor to be able to speak to you in person!

George Lucas: The pleasure is mine, and you guys have a beautiful campus, I really enjoy being here. I think I will be coming back quite soon, actually.

Uncanny resemblance... coincidence? The YellowJacket thinks not! (bottom photo credit: Jacob Buller)

The YellowJacket: Does that visit have anything to do with the next Star Wars episode?

George Lucas: Yes! In fact, we have had our script ready for quite some time now and are thinking about filming locations. This building has a unique mushroom shape that resembles one of the important sites that will be part of our saga’s continued story.

The YellowJacket: Are you talking about the Senate Building in Coruscant?

George Lucas: There is nothing else I can tell you at this point.

The YellowJacket: Are there possibilities for students to be cast as extras?

George Lucas: We will have hundreds of people on set. I believe there will be announcements when filming starts, but keep in mind that not all of the roles we’re casting will be for humans.

The YellowJacket: Has Mr. Abrams, the new director, confirmed this location with you?

George Lucas: Jeffrey and I have consulted several times and I am here today mainly to observe the deal with LeTourneau and what we can do. He is not here today because he is busy finishing up Star Trek Into Darkness, but he will visit long before filming begins.

The YellowJacket: Is MSC the only potential LeTourneau location for filming?

George Lucas: I have visited the Abbott Aviation Center and that also has a lot of potential.

The YellowJacket: Will there be X-wings?

George Lucas: It is the main Starfighter of the army of the New Republic, and the new trilogy revolves around them... so you can assume as much.

The YellowJacket: Are there possibilities for our aviation students to be cast as pilots?

George Lucas: You have several good candidates here, but I have to discuss that with Jeffrey first. Having students would be great fun for you and for us, as well, but we have to be careful about our liability. The dogfights in the next movie are very challenging, just so you know.

*editor’s note: at this point the stairwell was rushed and Lucas was quickly escorted out the secret passage behind the Little Theater*

Just kidding! Happy April Fools Day from the YellowJacket staff!

Written by Nathan Dinh.

Revised Student Handbook to Include Longboard Ban

Carly Robinson — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 21:42:16 +0000

In a move that will “promote campus safety and atmosphere,” LeTourneau University administration has decided to ban the use of longboards and other skateboard equipment. The new regulations are expected to preserve the safety of oblivious couples who frequently occupy university sidewalks.

The new regulation was suggested last month, shortly after a poorly placed longboard in the Corner Café entryway knocked over an avalanche of other boards, blocking the entrance for over twenty minutes and frightening a campus previewer. The student handbook’s now-infamous Longboard Ammendment was created when subsidies on scooters and accident reports publicized in the Communicator failed to lower the number of longboard users. Several ideas have been put forward for rule enforcement, such as making the cracks in university sidewalks even wider and deeper. One idea, touted as a new green initiative, involves the strategic collection and placement of acorns on campus sidewalks to deter would-be skaters.

In collective support of the new regulation, mechanical and civil engineering professors are currently researching methods of making all walkways slant slightly uphill, thereby reducing the draw of wheeled recreation.

Just kidding! Happy April Fools Day from the YellowJacket staff!

Written by Andrew Pearson.

Dorm Remodeling Includes Covered Walkway, Increased Community

Carly Robinson — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 20:21:19 +0000

Yesterday, LeTourneau administration revealed a new construction plan to be implemented immediately upon the finishing of the new Anna Lee and Sydney Allen Family Student Center (read here for more details about the revised long-term construction plans). Many residents of the triplet dorms Gilbert, Thomas, and Davis are particularly excited, as the new project will increase unity between the three buildings. Specifically, a new covered walkway will be built connecting Davis 2 and Gilbert 2 with 41, promoting an inter-hall relationship among the three floors.

“We’re really pleased that the administration took our request so seriously,” says one 41er, who was one of the inspirers of the idea. “It took a lot of persuasion to convince them, but it’s going to happen at last.” Several Davis occupants echoed this opinion, being frequent visitors to Thomas and Gilbert. “They’re a great bunch of people,” said one, “and I think that sometimes we focus too much on floor unity rather than community.” Those in favor of the new walkway explain that it will increase communication and traffic between the floors.

Some, however, do not greet the new construction as well. “It’s unnecessary, and blurs our floor’s identity,” complained one D2 member. “Building this walkway will allow more communication between D2 and G2,” countered a 41er, “and G2 is our sister floor.” However, the majority of residents on the three floors agree that the new walkway will be a great way to bring not only their respective floors, but also their entire dorms, together into a closer community that may rival even that of the apartments and married housing!

Proposed architectural sketch for the two skyways among G2, 41, and D2.

Just kidding! Happy April Fools Day from the YellowJacket staff!

Written by T.C. Buscher.

Sports Update: Men’s Basketball Makes Final Four

Carly Robinson — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 17:00:46 +0000

The LeTourneau men’s basketball team advanced to the Final Four in Atlanta after a shocking 88-24 drubbing of Ohio State. The YellowJacket players were understandably excited after their big win, pointing out that no one had picked them to make the Final Four on their brackets. When pressed, the players admitted that they hadn’t picked LeTourneau, either. “I didn’t even know we had made the tournament, so I was as surprised as anyone to find out we had snuck into the Final Four,” one of the players commented.

In other sports news, the LeTourneau athletics program also confirmed that they are adding six new varsity sports for next school year. In addition to curling, croquet, and racewalking, they are also adding beard growing, circuit board assembly, and Quidditch tournaments. Coaches expect all of these sports to be very popular with the LeTourneau student body.

Since segway polo has been trending among engineering schools this year, the LeTourneau athletics department is considering repurposing the new athletic complex to include a proper field. Concerns have been raised about whether these changes will leave room for the human chess board slated to be built behind the baseball diamonds.

Just kidding! Happy April Fools Day from the YellowJacket staff!

Written by Ian Willard.